I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How external is "for external use only"?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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