Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everclear isn't food dammit
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