i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
