Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
