He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
