A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
