She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
