i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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