i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
