We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
