She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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