She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
