i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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