I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
