I think I am morally bankrupt
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
