I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize