spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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