He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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