watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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