I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
