For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
