no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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