Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
