Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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