Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
