When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
