And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
