She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
how drunk are you?
Several
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
