i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
