so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
