It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
