I think I am morally bankrupt
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you win again, gameday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
