I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
