What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
