She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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