Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
