I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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