so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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