im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
