the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
