I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
