Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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