only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize