so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
