I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize