she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
