I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
