HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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