Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
