hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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