you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
