I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
