this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
