Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
