idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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