I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
