I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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