He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
