In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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