The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
