dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
