i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
