Don't you send me to vm
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
