I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
