so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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