i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
