she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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