i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
