I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
