Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
