and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize