WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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