hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
