i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
