i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
