I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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