Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
