So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
