I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All the doctor said was why
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize