hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
