Can i not drive my cunt home
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
