yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just took my morning after pill in the library
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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