I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
