Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
