and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this is an emotional support booty call
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize