walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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