please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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