i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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