I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
