dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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