I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
