I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
