He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We have started to decorate penises.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
