Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it because I queefed?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
