Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
