: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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