I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
